New Kitchen/New Day

We are in the middle of an awful kitchen renovation. It has taken us many many months to come up with a plan and it is finally being implemented, but of course not in the smooth fashion I had imagined. Steve was in England at Limmud Fest and then on to Israel for Rosh Hashanah so he managed to miss all the dirty work, meaning I spent days upon days putting together gobs and gobs of Ikea cabinets (that are all piled in our living room at the moment), clearing out the front of the basement, and moving all the kitchen stuff out all by myself while (or whilst) he has been out having tea, scones and clotted cream, and then davening with at a great minyan (prayer group) for the New Year. I meanwhile, was stuck in Cincinnati at Golf Manor Synagogue. I have yet to tell you all the sordid tale of our Jewish life here in the conservative burg of Zinzinnati, but that will have to wait. Our due date's been moved up a bit, so we're now due on the November 17th, which is like, tomorrow. All's good, the baby's growing, B"H, and we have plane tickets for November 7th. Still looking for a place to stay in Mumbai, trying to save a little by not staying in the hotel. Hopefully we'll find a cheaper serviced apartment. Another question, as far as spending money goes, is whether or not we should upgrade ourselves on the way back from India to business class. Besides the miles, it's costing us a bit as well. And then there's the thought that maybe it's cruel to the other business passengers to fly business with a newborn. When I asked the agent who was helping us with the tickets, she said, "You do what you need to do." Truer words.

Half Way Crazy

I am so bad at this posting thing. It's been another month since I last wrote, but things are going beautifully, B"H. We are officially past the midway point, and everyone's feeling well we are told. I've been going through the craziest of mood swings with the whole thing. Panicked that we won't be good parents, anxious that we're not taking care of all the things that need to be taken care of. I started writing here to not only tell about our parenting adventure but the adventure of putting two gay orthodox men in the middle of one the most conservative cities in the country, and THEN have them be parents to boot. That part of the story is as nutty as you can believe. I'm going to, on the advice of our dearest friend Arna, let Steve put the whole thing into a book. It's a story of rejection, of outsiders upsetting the status quo, of know-it-all big city guys who think the rest of the world should be like New York. And thankfully because of the Arna, Bobby and the rest of the extended Fisher and Poupko clans, of true friendship.

So I've taken care of few particulars that need to be done. Talked to a lawyer to start the ball rolling so that we can sign a joint custody agreement, basically legally making us both parents. They don't have second parent adoption in Ohio, as a matter of fact, Ohio is one of the few states that have actually passed a law making second parent same gender adoption illegal. But joint custody is how everyone is going around it. And we need to set up estate planning stuff, etc. Soon we have to start sort of setting up what'll be the nursery. We're also trying to figure out what to do about the name of the child. Saddling it with Greenberg-Goldstein just seems cruel. Goldberg? We thought we could change our names to a commone one for all three of us, but then Steve and I would have the exact same name, so that idea was abandoned. Anyway... Here are a set of the latest ultrasounds. Can't believe we're this close!

Some Details

Ok, we've been asked for details so here they are. First off, I think the black blog template one was starting to look too severe so I've changed it out to this one. More welcoming? So our adventure. I'm sure everyone wants to hear the baby adventure more than the Cincinnati adventure first so here it is. We had a first try, as you know, back in October, but the pregnancy didn't take so we had to go back to the beginning. Luckily, we had left enough, ahem, genetic material in India, so we chose a new egg donor and a new surrogate and started again in February. We waited so long for many reasons. First and foremost, on the advice from the great folks at Rotunda, to use a proven donor that we liked. We really thought this would be our second and final attempt at this, so we went with someone that came highly recommended. Secondly, a November birth (God willing) fits in the school schedule much better than a September or October birth. So here we are, planning on a birth for which I have to take off the least amount of days. We're at Rotunda with a EDD between November 19 and the 24. We have a singleton, and all looks good, though we had a bit of a scare with a large subchorionic hematoma, something it seems most IVF pregnancies carry. Our surrogate's clot is fairly large and shrinking only slowly, but she's no longer in the hospital, as they feel all's stable. We are still a bit in shock, haven't yet swung into full baby stuff buying gear yet, but also excited at the same time. So that's the story. I'm just starting to get back into the blogosphere so that I can make plans with other intended parents that will be in Mumbai at the same time as us. I think that will make it all seem even that much more real. There are many stories to tell about Cincinnati, and I will get those out as well. Just know that Mark Twain was truly brilliant when he made the comment about the place, "When the world ends, I want to be in Cincinnati, because everything happens there 10 years after it happens anywhere else."

And here's the first baby pic.

Word's Out

So, to anyone who is reading this, we can finally put the word out.

It seems, beyond all reason and possibly better judgement, that we are going to be, B"H, parents. What a completely awesome thought in all the meanings of that word. Wonderful, exciting, terrifying, awe-inducing. So here we go.

There is obviously much to catch up on from last September till now. The adventure here in Ohio has been, if not fascinating, at least comical at times. I will fill in soon. To Doug, who asked where we were, you were prescient as that was just as things were under way. More soon.

The Goldstein

Why-O

OK, I've made it out to Cincinnati. I've had some really odd and hard thoughts as I made my way here, some on my way out to Moab, Utah (where I was performing at the Moab Music Festival with my dear friend and colleague Michelle Ellsworth), other thoughts on my way out here, to the Nasti Nati proper. So first off, as I was flying out to Utah, as we lifted off from JFK, I got a good view of Belmont Racetrack, and then I remembered that the cemetaries in Elmont were right there. My grandparents and all their extended family up to my father's generation are buried there. And then I thought about my dad, and his grave out in the center of Long Island (in what is essentially the annex of the Elmont area). And I thought, "I'm leaving my family, my father, stranded there in New York. I won't be able to get back to visit very easily." It's not that I make my out to the graves so often, but it's one more step removed from that small village idyll where your family is buried nearby and so therefore never really leave your daily life. And it made my deeply sad. Then on the way back from Moab, I was in a little plane, flying to Salt Lake City to make my connection back home, and the plane had a little turbulance, and I kid you not, I thought, "Well if the plane crashes, I won't have to move to Cincinnati." I thought that thought, with no irony. It was a straight up straight thought, completely rational, and totally nuts.
Meanwhile, Moab was great. Especially since it afforded me a few more days of complete denial of my impending life change. And now I'm here. Thankfully, I am being taken care of by Arna and the whole Fisher family, who are so wonderfully gracious and welcoming.

Trying to get ready for the holidays, and learn the script/score of the musical I'm directing this fall at the conservatory, and trying to find a house to buy, and trying to not freak out about all the changes that have come crashing upon me.

Between Ohio and a Hard Place

We've been back for a week now, and all's well. I came back with a nasty cold from Mumbai, it sort of laid me low for most of last week. In between bouts of coughing and such, I began packing up all my stuff for my move out to Cincinnati. I have found the packing was getting me a bit down and anxious, and only realized last night what the problem might be. I've been only packing up my stuff, my books, my desk, my clothes, and the rest of our apartment here is, for the moment, staying as is. I realized it feels a more like I'm moving out, as if in some alternative reality, we split and I'm off to Cincinnati without him. Now that I've identified what felt so odd, I can sleep better, and pack more happily. Still don't know quite where I'm going once I get there, but things are packed, U-Haul is ordered, and route is google-mapped.

But a little more about Mumbai--Friday night we had shabbat dinner at the Chabad house, though we wandered around for an hour and a half looking for it. Everyone we asked directions of sent us off to a different compass point, mostly because people there want to help, they just don't really have the information. Finally we walked over to the Oberoi Hotel and the concierge knew exactly where we were headed. Part of the problem is that the Chabad House has also moved after the November terrorist attack and, though it is still called The Nariman House, the old place is called Nariman House as well, and there is a Nariman Building, and a Nariman Baug, not to mention Nariman Point which really isn't anywhere near where we were headed, well not close by anyway. But dinner with Chabad was sweet, though not as sweet as shabbat morning services in the sky-blue beautiful Kenneseth Eliyahoo Synagogue. We met up with the Jhirad Family, one of the stalwarts of the Bene Israel community that help keep this Baghdadi Synagogue running. The two Jhiradi sons are quite impressive, leading services, reading torah, running a Jewish learning camp. And they all talked glowingly about our friend Leon Morris who spent a lot of time in the community years before, and had a major impact on it. All day Saturday, we just sort of wandered around, made our way back to Chabad for a little visit, and looked at the great, and somewhat crumbling, architecture. Here are a few pix from the pride parade. Also, check out a longer gallery of shots from the trip here.

Out and Proud in Mumbai

Filling in quickly--pictures will follow later. Today. As it turns out, wouldn't you know it, we were here in Mumbai for the Gay Pride Parade, the first ever in Mumbai after the courts have declared the colonial anti-gay laws unconstitutional. So we marched along. How about that. Steve wore a sign that said in Hindi, "Hindus, Moslems, Sikhs, Christians, Heteros, Homos, all Brothers". They were missing the "Jews" part, so we felt that we had to stand up for our co-religionists and make sure they were represented. We figured having the rabbi carry the sign more than made up for our written absence. We danced with hijras from Tamil Nadhu, to drums and reed horns, met a wonderful woman who was there carrying a sign stating "I'm proud of my Gay Son!", though her son is currently in Atlanta, she had to come and marched by herself. So we grabbed her and took some photos, and hugged her, and told her we were proud of her! It's very hard for people here, the cultural taboos are extremely strong, so she sort of stole our hearts. We also ran into a man Bruno, from Paris, whom we had met early on in the day, totally by chance as he was lugging his suitcase up the stairs in the train station in Bandra. He tried to help us with directions, huffing and puffing and sweating, and then there he was, marching along!! And you thought the Upper West Side was small.

Anyway, off to the airport. We'll post photos and more stories later.